So lately I've been feeling a little down about my financial situation. I have some lingering credit card debt where I mixed a very emotional time in my life with a lot of retail therapy and short term memory loss. I haven't added to the balances on those cards in over two year and have slowly paid off all but two. Well, then I bought a house. And a needed a few things. And I wanted a few things. So I added to the balances. I nearly maxed two again that had been paid off for a year. I was feeling the stress and the sick icky feeling of not having enough money to live on after I paid all my bills for the month and then minimum payments on the credit cards. I hate that life. I've been there, done that, crawled out of that hole. And here I was putting myself back in it.
Well, I had been telling myself everything will sort itself out when my tax return comes. I'll pay off the new damage plus more. I'll be able to nearly clear all my credit card debt. I just had to wait for that check to come. And wait. And wait some more. And face another round of monthly bills that was coming close to taking my last penny. It was making me nervous. It was making me sick. And I was getting very stressed.
For the last few weeks I've really been wanting to tithe. I've really felt like God placed a burden on my heart. But I couldn't. There was no money left to tithe. I couldn't not pay my bills. I couldn't not buy groceries. I was back to shopping at the Dollar Tree for crying out loud! While I waited. And got more stressed and more sick and more nervous. And still I kept wanting to tithe.
So I prayed. I prayed and prayed. Please God, let that check come next week. (This was Friday) Please, God, please let that check come next week. I'll tithe. The first money to come out of that check will be given back to You. Please just let that check come next week.
This went on all weekend. But I slowly started to talk myself out of it. It hasn't been long enough. I'm going to have to wait longer. It hasn't shown up yet, why will it come next week. It may not come til the end of the summer. And so my prayers turned to please God, just let it show up soon. I'm sorry for my debt, forgive me, I'm ready to move on. I just want to tithe. If I can get this check in my hands and clear my debts I can tithe. Please just let that check come soon.
All day Tuesday (remember Memorial Day weekend, no mail Monday) I convinced myself that if the check just showed up by the end of the summer I'd be able to make things work. I just knew that check wasn't coming. I was going to have to make it work. I was going to be eating Dollar Tree groceries all summer and whatever came out of my garden. (Not that this is a bad thing, its just making myself not stop at any other store)
When I got home, I checked my mailbox. The only piece of mail was my tax return. Praise God! I was shaking. I tried to convince myself I could deposit it the next day no big deal. Not half an hour later I was on my way to the bank, check in hand. My prayers had been answered!
Not the end of the story though. On my way to the bank and the whole way home I kept hearing myself trying to rationalize why I really didn't need to tithe the tax return. I could do it later. I didn't need to tithe the return, I could just wait for my next paycheck to tithe. I heard it all running through my head. And I kept saying, "No! I promised!" And then after I wrote the check and put it in the mailbox to go out the next morning, that little voice in my head was telling me all the reasons I should take the envelope back out of the mailbox. And I just kept telling myself, "No! I promised!"
God answers prayers. John 14:13-14. And despite Satan's attempts to get inside my head and prevent me from doing God's will, that check went to Central Baptist Church. And I've been tithing ever since. And I pray that I keep it up, in Jesus name.
